i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
