Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
