You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
