If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
