On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
