you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
