What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
