Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
