he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
