She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
