Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
