Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
