you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize