Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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