She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
