I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
