Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I will pee on everything he values.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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