The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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