Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
