I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
