Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
