Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I touched a dick in church today
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
