Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
