belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
