Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
