so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
and you fell through a lawn chair
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
