We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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