need another drink. this is the easiest way
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
