I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
