oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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