Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
