i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
