Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Is it because I queefed?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
