We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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