Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize