idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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