Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
