I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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