Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
only you would photoshop your dick
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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