Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
