She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
