OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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