I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
