chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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