you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
