Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
