Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
