When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
