and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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