ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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