...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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