Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We got so high we made milksteak
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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