also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
