He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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