At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
