Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
