I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
