ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize