Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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