can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
