I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
