I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
