I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
