I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
