How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
