i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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